Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
