u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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