How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
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we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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