Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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