I'm really into asian looking animals
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
