Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize