Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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