Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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