I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
