U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
