Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
