it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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