just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
