He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
