I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
