worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
