I will die if light touches me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
