He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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