My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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