i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
