if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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