He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And then he peed in my hair
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