Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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