the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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