This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
