the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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