why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
