Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
