hotel room ftw
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
