My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
this is an emotional support booty call
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
