When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
