i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
soo... how was my night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
