I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
