True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
