You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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