After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize