No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
