dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
