omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Everything about him screamed your future.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
