Yo dont text me then not text me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
