drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
