So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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