I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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