so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
