she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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