rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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