On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
