umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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