I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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