ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
