He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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