I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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