The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
