i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize