The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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