Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
