I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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