I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
