3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
