Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
