Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
