i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
