i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
