I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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