And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
