It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
